Just 17: The Revival

Well, Tom Cruise and Top Gun were on my mind when I first started this blog and he was right back there this morning with the release of  the next instalment of Mission Impossible.  He can keep it- after six months of reconfiguring my life completely, mission impossible are two words that I'm not planning on encouraging to stay together.  Couples counselling?  Forget it.  Split those two up, right away. I compromised, however, (or weakened, whichever way you prefer to look at it) and Amazoned a TC tribute trilogy, express delivery, of Vanilla Sky, Days of Thunder and Risky Business.  All of which are far more apt for someone who has been ravaged by the meltdown tempest,  done a lot of compensating ice-cream eating, and decided to found a new business.

 Thinking back to Tom Cruise, and sleepovers as a teenager watching Cocktail and fantasising about waterfall moments, was only a short mind hop away from the school locker rooms. We spent years of break times huddled on wooden benches in between kit bags, duffle coats and hockey sticks listening to Nirvana and talking about boys.  With the help of that infamous (now extinct) magazine and its agony aunt pages: Just 17.  They were years full of excitement and anticipation when 17 seemed so grown up.

17 is now rather a long time ago, but suddenly, after years of numb hamster-on-wheel monotony, the excitement and the anticipation are back.  Tumbling out of the wardrobe through the fur coats, dusted with fresh snowflakes and pockets full of rich Turkish Delight. And on looking back at where this excitement had suddenly appeared from, it was right there. All the way through. Hanging on the number 17.

17 February 2015 - Day 1 post-meltdown. The world was quiet and still like an eerie tundra waiting for something to happen next. The day that life changed course for me.

17 March 2015 - The start of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, having come through bouts of insomnia, uncontrollable crying and paranoia, and a visit to A&E. Learning to control my thoughts, embrace mindfulness and throw on a protective shield against the world.. The day the fear started to lift.

17 April 2015 - Yellow Brick Road day and puppy viewing in Cornwall.  Frustrated at not being able to run due to fatigue,  now had something to look forward to. The day that changed the way I live my life irreversibly.

17 May 2015 - Day 1 of life with Merlin, the wizard Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy.  Plagued by persistent fatigue and muscle pain, he gave me a routine and opened up my world exploring Bedford walks and meeting so many people. The day I became a mother, of sorts.

17 June 2015 - The day I spoke to Life Coach, Curly Martin, on the phone in person and decided to launch a new career for the future. The day life became full of possibility with fun along the way.

17 July 2015 - Founded 'I Am Strong' coaching and set logo, website and business cards in motion. I Am Strong. I am holding my life in my hands.  The day I took control and saw the future.

17 August 2015 - I suspect that I will be preparing to return to work in September, in a new, forward-looking role.  Concurrently, I will be launching my I Am Strong coaching practice, starting to look for a new house with a garden for Merlin and spare bedrooms for foster children, and moving closer to that Spanish villa for wintering in the sunshine in Javea. The day I look back and say thank you and look forward and smile.

It's not all been 17s though- there has been puppy training, masters essays, weekly psychologist sessions, chiropractic sessions, doctor's appointments, work meetings, 5 seasons of Breaking Bad and 4 of Game of Thrones, a couple of cheeky snogs and a lot of cups of tea, a trip to the Lake District, a few escapes to Cornwall and a blog.

I wake up early and walk the dog as the world starts up; I take 20 minutes to meditate, followed by gentle yoga; I read books on fostering; I listen to motivational podcasts; I love creating I Am Strong; I see my family regularly; and I'm no longer too afraid to write. I know who I am and more importantly, and for the first time ever, who I'm going to be.

I've given myself a break and it doesn't stop here even if this blog does.  Just 17 posts.